Probation Alert: Larkin

Larkin is on probation for making their theme "the Derek Zoolander Center for Larkids who can read good and want to do other stuff good too." In the movie it's the center for kids who can't read good... screw freshmen self-esteem.

Probation Alert: WCVB-TV

WCVB-TV, the Boston affiliate of ABC, is on probation for choosing to televise "Catch Me If You Can" instead of the USC-Oregon football game. Furthermore, all of New England is on probation for not caring about any sporting event west of New Jersey. This is bullshit.

Probation Alert: Jen

Jen is on probation for complaining that we don't post to the probation blog often enough. What a bitch.

Commendation: Nasha

Nasha is commended for getting her 11-year-old brother drunk.

Probation Alert: Kara

Kara is on probation for pointing out that if I were to break up with her and start dating a bulimic girl, not only would the new girl and I be able to binge-eat together, but she would also not have a gag reflex. The very premise of bulimia involves having, and making constant use of, one's gag reflex.

Commendation: Glenn

Glenn is commended for making the analogy that squatting in extremely good seats that weren't ours at Fenway Park was the equivalent of "playing high-stakes Battleship."

Probation Alert: Tim

Tim is on probation for not knowing what astronaut ice cream is. What the fuck?

Commendation: Elizabeth Hope Piselli

Elizabeth Hope Piselli is commended for her immediate input as to what to get Noah for his birthday. And to think, I was going to get him Season 2 of Fraggle Rock.

Probation Alert: 6CHIXMIX

The 6CHIXMIX is on probation for not letting me into their fucking facebook group.

Commendation: A&E

A&E is commended for having a 24-hour 24 season 4 marathon on my first day off in a month. It is further commended for showing 4 straight hours of 24 on all subsequent mondays. We all must get A&E.

Probation Alert: Grant

Grant is on probation for referring to "The Final Countdown" as "The Final Chapter." He is also on probation for implying that it is okay to joke about the Holocaust because "it's been over 21 and a half years," referring to the South Park episode "Jared Has Aides." It actually takes 22.3 years for something tragic to become funny.